


Just Desserts : An Anime Episode that Never Was

by Hsifeng



Category: Ranma 1/2
Genre: 1000-5000 Words, Asia, Character of Color, F/F, F/M, Gen, Japan, Screenplay/Script Format, Yuletide 2008
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-12-15
Updated: 2008-12-15
Packaged: 2017-10-05 12:59:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,953
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/41981
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hsifeng/pseuds/Hsifeng
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A sugary little story. I hope I got the screenplay formatting right. Enjoy! :)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Just Desserts : An Anime Episode that Never Was

**Author's Note:**

  * For [jedishampoo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/jedishampoo/gifts).



> Thank you Takahashi Rumiko for writing and drawing Ranma 1/2!
> 
> Thank you Antumbral for your beta-reading help!

INT. CAT CAFÉ, NERIMA WARD - MID-AFTERNOON

Open on a sunny day in a well-lit RESTAURANT. It's a relatively quiet time, between the lunch rush and the dinner rush. A couple of CUSTOMERS are finishing a late lunch, and SHAMPOO'S DAD comes out of the kitchen with their CHECK. A moment later RYOGA steps through the front door wearing his usual HIKING BACKPACK.

RYOGA

  


> Which way is Furinkan High School?

 

SHAMPOO'S DAD

  


> Konnichiwa?

RYOGA recognizes SHAMPOO'S DAD's accent and switches from Japanese to Cantonese.

RYOGA

  


> Hello. Which way is Furinkan High School?

 

SHAMPOO'S DAD

  


> Wow another Cantonese speaker, and you're not even Chinese!

 

RYOGA

  


> Um, I get around.

 

SHAMPOO'S DAD

  


> Ah, you must be the Hibiki Ryoga my daughter keeps talking about! I'm Shampoo's father. Sorry, I don't know where Furinkan High School is. Shampoo and Mousse take correspondence classes with Amazon High School.

 

RYOGA

  


> Nice to meet you. Where's everyone else?

The CUSTOMERS pay and leave. SHAMPOO'S DAD starts to clear the TABLE.

SHAMPOO'S DAD

  


> The kids are at the library, and Grandmother's at the Nerima Senior Center.

 

RYOGA

  


> Senior Center?

 

SHAMPOO'S DAD

  


> Yeah, ever since they got bouncers to keep Happosai from groping the female staffers, it's been good. Tonight's event is speed-dating...

RYOGA looks DEJECTED.

SHAMPOO'S DAD

  


> ...what's wrong? I'm the one who might get a step-grandfather, not you! What if he doesn't like me?

 

RYOGA

  


> I was going to stay at the Tendo Dojo tonight, but I can't find anyone to help me get there. I can't even find Furinkan to find Akane or Nabiki or Ranma to help me get there!

 

SHAMPOO'S DAD

  


> You're welcome to stay here. We have a sofabed upstairs.

 

RYOGA

  


> Thank you! Um...I haven't seen you around much before...why don't you spend time with Genma and Soun? You can play Kokusai Sannin Shogi together, it's 3-player!

 

SHAMPOO'S DAD

  


> They speak Japanese and had English in high school. I speak Cantonese and had Russian in high school. Besides, those two are crazy!

EXT. SCENE - SIDEWALK OUTSIDE STOREFRONTS, JINBO-CHO WARD - DAYTIME

RYOGA is wandering around among the shoppers, and sees SHAMPOO quickly walk out of one of the BOOKSTORES with a SHOPPING BAG. She is BLUSHING.

RYOGA

  


> Where is the camping gear store...Oh, hi Shampoo! What happened?

 

SHAMPOO

  


> Umm...promise not to tell?

RYOGA remembers SHAMPOO'S DAD'S language and switches from Japanese to Cantonese.

RYOGA

  


> I promise. You always keep my curse secret from Aka-

SHAMPOO keeps speaking Japanese.

SHAMPOO

  


> Ryoga, Shampoo need practice Japanese! Anyway. Yeah. Akane needs know, but you need tell her yourself.

RYOGA switches back to Japanese.

RYOGA

  


> -I can keep your secret from everyone.

RYOGA and SHAMPOO lower their voices.

SHAMPOO

  


> Thank you. Shampoo embarrassed, think cashier knows she bi now. That family secret.

RYOGA looks in the SHOPPING BAG and sees copies of Erica Sakurazawa's _Between the Sheets_ and _The Aromatic Bitters_.

RYOGA

  


> The cashier can't tell. My aunt likes _Between the Sheets_ too and that doesn't make her bi or lesbian, she just likes good writing. She likes Lois McMaster Bujold's books too and she's not an astronaut either...Hold it, why is it a secret?

SHAMPOO BLUSHES even more.

SHAMPOO

  


> I tell you, but not in middle of street!

SHAMPOO takes RYOGA's hand and stomps away...

EXT. SCENE - LOCAL PARK - CONTINUING

RYOGA and SHAMPOO are sitting on a BENCH some distance from the street, surrounded by GRASS and TREES.

SHAMPOO

  


> Shampoo find out she likes girls too last summer. No wonder Shampoo want Ranma so much! Only told family last month. Everyone else Shampoo know in Nerima straight. What if Ranma no like...?

 

RYOGA

  


> Hey! You told me to tell Akane about my curse, you can tell Ranma about your feelings!

SHAMPOO stands up, and lifts her SHOPPING BAG.

SHAMPOO

  


> OK, I try. But no tell Father or Great-Grandmother about books! Or annoying Mousse either, maybe he tell...

 

RYOGA

  


> What? You just told me you did come out to them.

 

SHAMPOO

  


> Shampoo seventeen. Bi one thing. Reading josei manga with naked sex pictures another.

 

RYOGA

  


> They have a problem with that? I mean, Cologne wants you to get married now!

SHAMPOO shrugs.

SHAMPOO

  


> Shampoo just not want find out if they have problem. Adults weird like that about teens, you know?

INT. SCENE - CAT CAFÉ KITCHEN - LATE NIGHT

The RESTAURANT is closed for the night. RYOGA and SHAMPOO and MOUSSE are making themselves ICE-CREAM SUNDAES. RYOGA is chopping some STRAWBERRIES.

RYOGA

  


> ...look, you're perfect for Ranma! Just tell him already!

 

MOUSSE

  


> Shut up, Ryoga! I like bi girls too!

 

RYOGA

  


> Waaait a minute - if it's a family secret, why does he know?

 

SHAMPOO

  


> Mousse? Oh, he live here and be like bratty little brother. Practically family.

 

MOUSSE

  


> Hey!

MOUSSE reaches for another BOTTLE OF TOPPINGS.

SHAMPOO

  


> Mousse, that salad dressing. Ryoga, you keep okay thing secret yourself! Why you talk down to me? Why no tell everyone? THAT NOT EVEN SAFE! Shampoo tell everyone so village animal shelter no spay her. Get microchipped by Dr. Watanabe too.

 

RYOGA

  


> But what about people who eat pigs?

SHAMPOO'S DAD steps into the KITCHEN and reaches for some GREEN TEA ICE CREAM.

SHAMPOO

  


> You right, that no help protect. Help avenge, though...

 

SHAMPOO'S DAD

  


> The Cat Café now has a microchip scanner in the kitchen. So far none of the meat's been chipped, but if I ever find someone dared trick me into paying to butcher a cursed person or even a pet...

SHAMPOO'S DAD hefts a LARGE KNIFE. Meanwhile, MOUSSE finishes making his SUNDAE.

MOUSSE

  


> I'm going to finish my paper now, it's due tomorrow. See you later!

MOUSSE leaves the kitchen. SHAMPOO'S DAD puts down the KNIFE and picks up his ICE CREAM BOWL.

SHAMPOO'S DAD

  


> I have to finish a letter too. You kids leave the front light on for Grandmother when you're done, OK?

 

SHAMPOO and RYOGA

  


> Goodnight!

SHAMPOO'S DAD leaves the kitchen.

SHAMPOO

  


> Shampoo so afraid.

 

RYOGA

  


> Don't hide behind village rules! Besides, we're still just teens. Won't it be less scary if you just ask Ranma out without trying to marry him so early?

 

SHAMPOO

  


> Take own advice. Pigboy speak up! Ask Akane out. Tell her no pressure, it OK if she say no. Mean it. No rib-squish hugs either, don't scare her like other time.

 

RYOGA

  


> Who are you and what did you do to Shampoo? You don't back off whenever Ranma says no.

 

SHAMPOO

  


> THAT DIFFERENT! You have lots and lots of other girls if Akane no like! Heal broken glass heart easy! Shampoo have only jerk Herb or be lonely single forever if Ranma no like! NEED STAY ON RANMA MIND! You no understand, you no have Ukyou and Kodachi be so loud obstacles...

SHAMPOO starts to CRY. RYOGA is SPEECHLESS.

EXT. SCENE - FURINKAN HIGH SCHOOL - THURSDAY, EARLY MORNING

Some STUDENTS are milling about in front of the DOORS before the school day starts. AKANE is talking to YUKA and SAYURI.

YUKA

  


> ...so then he didn't give me a refund, and-

SHAMPOO speeds up to AKANE on her BICYCLE and hits the BRAKES.

SHAMPOO

  


> AKANE! You have time?

AKANE looks STUNNED.

YUKA

  


> But we have only 15 minutes until class, an-

 

SHAMPOO

  


> SHAMPOO NEED BORROW YOUR FRIEND NOW.

 

YUKA

  


> It's OK Akane, we can finish this at lunch!

 

SAYURI

  


> Akane, for once she's not charging at yo-

 

SHAMPOO

  


> THAT RIGHT. Shampoo not have same lunch break, need talk Akane NOW.

 

SAYURI

  


> This could be more important than Yuka's broken video game. See you in class!

SAYURI and YUKA scurry indoors.

AKANE

  


> OK Shampoo, what is it? This better be good.

 

SHAMPOO

  


> Akane...uh...you like P-Chan, right?

 

AKANE

  


> Of course I do!

 

SHAMPOO

  


> Even if P-Chan turn human?

AKANE stops for a moment. Her EYES BUG OUT. Then she smiles.

AKANE

  


> Like in that "Frog Prince" foreign fairy tale? If I kissed P-Chan and he turned from a sweet pig to a sweet boy? Whoa, cool...hey, what if the Jusenkyo springs get fixed and we take him there? Are you planning a trip...?

INT. SCENE - APARTMENT ABOVE CAT CAFÉ, LIVING ROOM - EARLY AFTERNOON

RYOGA is watching the NEWS on TV. SHAMPOO bursts into the room through the SHOJI PAPER WALL.

SHAMPOO

  


> Yay, lunch rush over! Ryoga, Shampoo have great news, less depressing than TV news!

 

RYOGA

  


> What is it?

 

SHAMPOO

  


> Akane actually like P-Chan turn human! Ryoga ask Akane on date here, Shampoo "accidentally" spill cold drink, both happy!

 

RYOGA

  


> Wow, there's hope! Thank you so much!

EXT. SCENE - FURINKAN HIGH SCHOOL - THURSDAY, END OF THE SCHOOL DAY

DOZENS OF STUDENTS including female RANMA and AKANE leave the BUILDING, all TALKING AT ONCE.

AKANE

  


> ...shut up Ranma! I'm not a tomboy!

 

RANMA

  


> Whatever!

RANMA jumps on the FENCE and walks away while AKANE is FUMING. RYOGA walks up to AKANE, SHAKING a bit because of his nerves.

RYOGA

  


> Hi Akane!

AKANE relaxes.

AKANE

  


> Hi Ryoga. What's up?

 

RYOGA

  


> Akane, would you like to go out for dinner and a movie with me on Saturday? We can go to the Cat Café and then the Miyazaki Film Festival...Ohandnohardfeelingsifyousayno!

AKANE smiles.

AKANE

  


> Sure!

RYOGA looks RELIEVED.

AKANE

  


> But let's go somewhere else instead of the Cat Café or Ucchan's. I don't want to get in another fight so soon.

INT. SCENE - NERIMA WARD PUBLIC LIBRARY - LATER THURSDAY AFTERNOON

SHAMPOO is at a TABLE studying CALCULUS. RYOGA wanders up with an ARMFUL OF BOOKS and sits down.

SHAMPOO

  


> Hi Ryoga! What those?

 

RYOGA

  


> Your dad said you were cramming for math this week but I got lost and found Bujold's _Diplomatic Immunity_ and Murakami's _Underground_ on the way. Anyway, thanks for all your help, Shampoo! Akane said yes! I gotta make it up to you. How about I ask Ranma about bi girls without telling him about you?

 

SHAMPOO

  


> Ryoga do that for Shampoo?

 

RYOGA

  


> Sure! But if Ranma says he likes bi girls, do what I did and don't pressure him.

SHAMPOO smiles.

SHAMPOO

  


> Hey, that my advice!

EXT. SCENE - TENDO DOJO BACKYARD - FRIDAY MORNING

RANMA and GENMA are SPARRING. GENMA throws RANMA into the KOI POND. RYOGA walks up.

RYOGA

  


> Ha! Now who's a tomboy?

 

RANMA

  


> You're here to bug me about Akane's honor again, aren't you? I know about your date tomorrow. Go ahead and date her, I'm just her fiancé becau-

 

RYOGA

  


> Enough about Akane and your parents. This isn't about them this time!

 

RANMA

  


> It's not?

 

RYOGA

  


> Look, what do you think about bisexuals?

 

RANMA

  


> There's nothing wrong with them. Are you coming out of the closet?

 

RYOGA

  


> No, not me. I mean, if a bi girl wanted to date both of you, would you like that?

 

RANMA

  


> Now that the springs are screwed up and I can't fix the curse, sure, I guess. But isn't everyone here straight...?

INT. SCENE - AN INDIAN RESTAURANT, EDOGAWA WARD - EARLY EVENING SATURDAY

AKANE and RYOGA are finishing BIG DINNERS.

RYOGA

  


> ...yeah, I like Hime and Rhymester more than Ganguro Rapper too.

RYOGA eats the last spoonful of his KHEER.

RYOGA

  


> Yum! Thanks Akane, this place was a great idea!

 

AKANE

  


> Thanks! I like it because none of Ranma's little friends work here. Besides, this place doesn't serve beef or pork. Seeing pork on menus reminds me of P-Chan.

AKANE looks SAD for a moment, then eats her last GULAB JAMUN. A couple of moments later a WAITER arrives with the CHECK. AKANE and RYOGA both get out their WALLETS.

RYOGA

  


> Hey, I'll pay! I asked you out, remember? That makes me like a host, right?

 

AKANE

  


> But Taj Tandoor was my idea, so that makes me the dinner host, right?

They cheerfully bicker over the CHECK.

EXT. SCENE - TENDO DOJO BACKYARD - CONTINUING

RANMA is doing KATA exercises. SHAMPOO jumps off the ROOF and faces him.

SHAMPOO

  


> HI RANMA!

 

RANMA

  


> Hi Shampoo. What's up? You're not going to try to make me elope now that Akane's on a date with Ryoga, are you?

 

SHAMPOO

  


> No. Not marriage today. Shampoo have to say...Shampoo like you.

SHAMPOO looks more JITTERY as she stands there.

RANMA

  


> I already knew that...what's wrong?

 

SHAMPOO

  


> Shampoo like both boy and girl Ranma, and afraid you not like that.

 

RANMA

  


> You mean you don't just like me because of the village law? You don't think I'd be better without the curse? Wow, cool! Hold it...Ryoga was asking me about bi girls the other day. Was that you?

SHAMPOO pauses for a moment, BLUSHING.

SHAMPOO

  


> Yes. Shampoo want go on date, but date date. No more worry about marriage yet.

 

RANMA

  


> Wow, I can't remember the last time I went on a date that was just a date. OK! We can go on a date, have fun while it lasts, figure out the rest later...

 

SHAMPOO

  


> THANK YOU!

SHAMPOO jumps up in JOY and ALMOST GLOMPS RANMA then HOLDS BACK.

SHAMPOO

  


> Oops, sorry! No pressure!

RANMA smiles.

RANMA

  


> Thanks! Hey, since you're here, wanna spar...?

INT. SCENE - CINEMA HALLWAY - AN HOUR LATER

RYOGA and AKANE are between SCREENING ROOMS, looking around and looking BEWILDERED.

RYOGA

  


> Oh no, we're late for the movie! I'm so sorry!

 

AKANE

  


> Look, I know you get lost. Calm down, OK?

Only THREE OTHER MOVIEGOERS emerge from the KIKI'S DELIVERY SERVICE screening room, ignoring RYOGA and AKANE.

MOVIEGOER #1

  


> ...Kiki's winds down after that scene.

 

MOVIEGOER #2

  


> Maybe Mononoke's about to get to the good part?

 

MOVIEGOER #3

  


> Good thing no one's checking ticket stubs out here!

The THREE OTHER MOVIEGOERS go into the PRINCESS MONONOKE screening room.

AKANE

  


> Look, they're wandering from movie to movie on purpose! Besides, I already saw all these movies, so what if I miss some scenes this time around?

 

RYOGA

  


> People do that for fun? Cool!

AKANE and RYOGA walk through a RANDOM DOOR.

INT. SCENE - SHAMPOO'S BEDROOM - SUNDAY AFTERNOON

SHAMPOO is sitting at her DESK and talking on the TELEPHONE.

SHAMPOO

  


> ...so Shampoo got museum passes for next Saturday.

 

RANMA (V.O.)

  


> Which museum?

 

SHAMPOO

  


> Edo-Tokyo Museum. New exhibit on martial arts open last week!

 

RANMA (V.O.)

  


> Cool!

 

SHAMPOO

  


> Is a Miyazaki favorite museum too...

INT. SCENE - AKANE'S BEDROOM - CONTINUING

AKANE is sitting on her BED, holding P-CHAN and looking out the WINDOW.

AKANE

  


> ...and then we left the theater, and it was chilly out, and I wanted to kiss Ryoga but he said no because he thought he was catching a cold and didn't want me to get sick too. Isn't that sweet? I hope he was just sniffling from the hot spices and not a cold...

 

P-CHAN

  


> Bwee!

 

AKANE

  


> He's pretty considerate these days. You're considerate too! Maybe you had an owner like him before you had me...? Maybe I should take you to the vet. No needles this time, just a scan in case your old owner microchipped you.

P-CHAN struggles to leave AKANE's ARMS.

AKANE

  


> P-Chan, I said no needles this time! Oh...I guess you don't know that much Japanese...

INT. SCENE - TENDO DOJO - CONTINUING

RANMA is leaning on the WALL and talking on the TELEPHONE.

RANMA

  


> ...I'll be at your place at noon.

 

SHAMPOO (V.O.)

  


> We get lunch there first.

 

RANMA

  


> You want to be the waitress for your own date?

 

SHAMPOO (V.O.)

  


> No, Father wait table. Keep Mousse and Great-Grandmother off case too!

INT. SCENE - VETERINARY EXAM ROOM - ONE HOUR LATER

AKANE sits in a CHAIR while holding onto a squirming P-CHAN. The VETERINARIAN takes a handheld SCANNER off the WALL.

P-CHAN

  


> BWEEEEE! BWEEEEEEEEE!

 

AKANE

  


> I told you, that's not a needle!

 

P-CHAN

  


> BWEEEEEEEEE!

The VETERINARIAN pats P-CHAN with his FREE HAND.

VETERINARIAN

  


> It's OK, I won't even touch you with the scanner.

The VETERINARIAN holds the SCANNER about 2 CM over P-CHAN's skin. When he reaches P-CHAN's NECK, the SCANNER beeps. P-CHAN is now FROZEN in SHOCK. AKANE looks SAD and HUGS P-CHAN more, then PERKS UP.

AKANE

  


> P-Chan, I'll miss you a lot but you can go home now! You and your real family can be together again!

The VETERINARIAN goes to his COMPUTER and looks at the display. He looks STUNNED for a moment, then composes himself.

VETERINARIAN

  


> Hey Akane, you know those Jusenkuyo curses some of the kids here have?

 

AKANE

  


> Yes...what does that have to do with P-Chan? Why would his owner put his or her curse in the contact info?

 

VETERINARIAN

  


> Because P-Chan is the owner's curse! I bet Dr. Watanabe down the street chipped him, all the Jusenkuyo patients go there...

The VETERINARIAN gets a CUP of HOT WATER from the SINK. AKANE puts P-CHAN on the FLOOR.

VETERINARIAN

  


> Akane, please step outside. My exam room doesn't have a privacy curtain the way human exam rooms do.

AKANE opens the DOOR and steps out. The VETERINARIAN sticks his HEAD out too.

VETERINARIAN

  


> Someone get me another pair of scrubs!

A NURSE rushes by with a set of BLUE SCRUBS and the VETERINARIAN closes the door. The VETERINARIAN then pours the HOT WATER on P-CHAN. RYOGA stands up NAKED and puts on the SCRUBS.

RYOGA

  


> Thanks for the privacy...I was going to tell Akane sooner or later...but now I'm nervous again...

 

AKANE (TALKING THROUGH THE DOOR)

  


> Ryoga? Is that you?

 

RYOGA

  


> Oops.

 

VETERINARIAN

  


> Seems like you forgot to keep your voice down. By the way, no hard feelings about you seeing Dr. Watanabe instead of me, OK?

The VETERINARIAN opens the DOOR. AKANE runs in and BEAMS.

AKANE

  


> This is so cool!

 

RYOGA

  


> ...really?

 

AKANE

  


> Yes! All this time you did nothing perverted when we slept together, you didn't tell anyone my private stuff, you're not someone else's stolen pet... Why didn't you tell me earlier...?!

Close on RYOGA and AKANE turning to each other and happily chattering as the scene fades out...

THE END

**Author's Note:**

> Also see "Comments on Just Desserts : An Anime Episode that Never Was" at the Yuletide website, at http://yuletidetreasure.org/archive/61/justdesserts_cmt.html .


End file.
